This is Why You Feel ‘Bad’ When You Stand Up For Yourself.

Why is it that when you stand up for yourself, you feel like you’re being ‘bad’?

As a recovering people-pleaser, allow me to explain…

The reason you feel like you’re being bad, or rude, or “causing unnecessary conflict” when you stand up for yourself is NOT because any of those things are true.

It’s because you’re so used to gauging your behavior off of the actions of others. And typically, when you stand up for yourself, it creates tension between you and that person.

So your resolution-mode kicks in… you think, “how do I relieve the tension?”

And the answer we’ve recited for years is usually: stop standing up for myself. Stop having boundaries. Shutdown. Go quiet. Let them dominate. Just listen.

Right?

We feel like we’re being bad because rather than diffusing the conflict by giving others what they want all the time, we’re insisting that our needs be met in the same way.

Here it is in a nutshell: you feel like you’re being bad because you’re giving yourself the same love and consideration that you give to others.

And you wanna know what that results in? People not feeling good! People not agreeing. People not liking what you’re doing.

Especially when they’re used to you yielding to them.

But here’s the thing: other people’s tension that results from you standing your ground is NOT for you to manage. That’s for them to deal with.

It’s not your job to alleviate the tension of others that’s brought about from you respecting yourself, choosing yourself, and asserting boundaries.

So the next time you feel like you’re “being bad”, keep going, because I can promise you this: you’re not being bad, you’re just playing fair.

And fair is what you deserve. Level playing grounds is what you deserve. You know that.

Stop basing the rules of the game around keeping everyone else cozy and comfy.

Own you. Radically. And when they get uncomfortable about it, realize that that’s not your problem.

This probably sounds like nails on a chalkboard to all the people-pleasers reading this.

But that’s because loving yourself and choosing yourself sounds like nails on a chalkboard to you…

You’re not being bad. You’re giving yourself the same energy that you give everyone else. So own it.