Learning How to Say NO Changes Everything

Wanna know one of the single-most powerful things that I’ve learned that completely transformed my life?

Here it is: I learned how to say no.

It started by saying no to a toxic relationship. Something I wanted, but knew wasn’t good for me.

And in doing that, I realized that for the very first time, I’d chosen myself.

I said no not to be rude, not to be combative, not because I was being disagreeable, but because I was protecting myself.

And that’s what it required to protect myself. Was to say NO with a full stop. No explanation.

What blew my mind the most about this was the amount of energy, confidence, and empowerment that was suddenly available to me. Just through that simple act.

I started walking different. Talking different. Feeling different. I effectively became a different person.

I had begun the journey of having my own back. Of not being afraid to say no. Of not being afraid to speak up, set boundaries, and hold firm to them.

And a lot of us lack discipline in this area…

Like when you just got done working a 40 hour week, and it’s finally the first day of your two days off… and your boss calls you.

“Hey, we had a call out. Would you mind coming in?”

And you have this mini panic attack.

And what it says is, “I don’t want to come in, but I feel like I’m not allowed to say no.”

We feel like we’d be rude, or a bad employee, if we were to decline.

So we lie! “Yeah, I’d love to come in, boss! Not a problem at all!”

Or when your friends ask you to come hangout, and you don’t feel like hanging out…

But once again, you feel obliged to. You feel guilty for not wanting to. And you don’t dare say no.

Or when someone—a partner, a friend, a coworker, a family member—does something, says something, or treats you in a way you disagree with…

And you’re afraid to voice that. Because you “don’t want to be problematic.”

News flash: standing up for yourself is not problematic.

And anybody that treats it as such should not have access to you in the first place.

The beauty in learning how to speak up and say no more often is that it begins to inform the world of who you are.

You send a message: this is who I am, and this is what I’m not willing to tolerate.

And that is precisely how you attract the people who respect that, and repel those who don’t.

The more you don’t say no, the more you don’t show up, the more you blend into the wall…

The more you send mixed signals where the universe doesn’t even know the kind of person you are, and where you stand.

And therefore doesn’t know how to filter the people through your life. It doesn’t know how to help you find your people.

So yeah, say no a little bit more. Speak up. Don’t be afraid to take up some space.

You exist too. You matter too.