If You’re a People-Pleaser, You Need to Hear This

If you’re a people-pleaser, listen closely to what I’m about to say…

People-pleasers need to lean into the feeling of being “bad”.

Because in reality, they’re not being bad at all. They’re just finally extending the same respect to themselves that they give to others.

And that’s precisely what makes them feel like they’re being bad…

The people-pleaser is used to seeking validation and approval through others being happy with them.

So they base their behavior—every step they take, and every word they say—off of that filter.

They think, “Will this make them mad? Will this bother them? Am I being too much? I should just stay quiet.”

And this results in the people-pleasers slowly but surely building up resentment, because they’re not having their needs met.

They’re, in a way, expecting them to be met without having to say anything…

They think to themselves that if they’re nice enough, kind enough, easy-going enough, then people will naturally meet their needs.

But unfortunately, that ain’t how the world works…

We need to inform the world of who we are and what we need. And if you don’t, you can’t get mad at people for crossing your boundaries, not meeting your needs, etc.

You can’t get mad at someone for not meeting the needs that they didn’t know existed…

So, what the people-pleaser needs to do is to lean into the tension of “being bad”.

Because, once again: it’s not bad, it’s equal.

The people-pleaser impulsively excludes themselves from their sense of love.

They think love is something that goes out, out, out to others.

But love is a state of being in which YOU are included too. In equal proportion to others.

It’s up to you to include yourself in that state of love though. Because nobody is going to do it for you.

And sometimes, including yourself in that state of love looks like:

• saying no

• setting boundaries

• speaking up

Only to name a few…

You’re gonna FEEL bad when you do that, but trust me… you’re not.

The more you lean into that energy of “being bad”, you’ll slowly begin to realize that you’re not being bad at all…

You’re just loving yourself in the same way you’ve been loving to others.

And it’s life-changing.