Avoiding Conflict... Causes Conflict.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but…

Avoiding conflict… CAUSES conflict.

What appears as “avoiding conflict” is actually just the act of not voicing it.

So all you’re really doing is keeping it inside you, which only compromises your nervous system even more than it already was from the initial conflict to begin with.

Typically, the reason we avoid conflict is to keep the peace on the outside—whether it’s with a partner, a family member, a friend, a coworker, etc.

But by “avoiding the conflict,” all we do is stuff it down inside ourselves which results in far more pain than we would have experienced had we just voiced how we felt.

Here’s an example of a time that I avoided conflict:

I had plans to go to Sedona, Arizona, and I was going to do a ton of hiking.

A couple weeks before my trip, my big toe was suddenly very painful and I couldn’t bend it. It caused me to limp, and walk much slower.

But, I ignored it—because I had plans to go hiking in Sedona, right? And I wouldn’t be able to if I had a f*cked up toe.

So I pretended I was fine.

What this resulted in was my toe getting even WORSE… to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

So, I said to myself, “well, if I can’t go hiking in Sedona, so be it.” And I started tending to my toe.

I started wrapping it, and walking carefully, and slowly training it back to its normal functions.

And guess what?

Within only a week—just shy of my trip to Sedona—it was completely healed.

But if I’d continued ignoring it and “acting like everything is fine,” it would have gotten even worse, and then seriously impeded on my ability to enjoy my trip.

What I took away from this was that it’s by admitting and facing our conflicts that they’re able to be resolved.

You know that breath-of-fresh-air feeling after having that hard conversation with a loved one?

Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

It’s when we cut the act and admit how we feel that real progress is able to be made.

And sometimes, that progress may look like losing the people who you THOUGHT loved you.

It might not feel like progress, but trust me when I say this: if you muster the courage to finally share how you feel, and they invalidate you, criticize you, or leave you— guess what?

They didn’t deserve to be there in the first place.

Authenticity is how you show the world who you are.

So show up and admit who you are and how you feel.

Much love, Devon G.